KEIRA KNIGHTLEY CLONES HERSELF

KEIRA KNIGHTLEY CLONES HERSELF FOR THE GOOD OF ALL MEN

March 4 2009

London, England - In 1996 the first mammal, Dolly the Sheep, was cloned and though scientists likely had high hopes for the future of the science, few could have predicted the impact their advance would have on the libido’s of men all over the world. Now with the announcement of Keira Knightley signing on to star in ‘Never let me go’ the fantasies of every heterosexual male has been realized. Knightly’s character will be cloned in the film.

“In 1996 Keira Knightley was only 11 years old. It’s very unlikely that those scientists had the idea of her growing into an adult and starring in a movie about cloning, but I wouldn’t doubt there’s some spectrum of truth there. After all there’s very little other reason to get into genetics and biology other than women,” said Scrape TV Entertainment analyst Tracey Temple. “In that respect to that there was probably some hope of cloning beautiful women someday.  Of course more than likely they were hoping for real clones rather than Hollywood manufactured ones but maybe in time we’ll see that. Hopefully for their sake Knightley will keep some of her DNA on file.”

Traditionally young men play music or aspire to positions of power in order to attract women. Science has rarely been a major draw for attracting the opposite sex and many have speculated that the rise in cloning technology was not so much to attract women, but replicate those which the scientists could not attain through legitimate means.

“There’s definitely a segment of the heterosexual female population who are drawn solely by intellect by they are few and far between and the numbers don’t even come close to the number or working scientists in the field,” said Scrape TV Science analyst Dr. Howard Poe. “There are a fair number of attractive male scientists working today, much more than there have been in the past, but unfortunately for them the expectation of dourness or being downright ugly is something not even the most intelligent of scientists have been able to overcome. For the future of science cloning may be the only way to keep bloodlines vital.”

Scientists predict that they are a number of years from cloning a human being despite successful attempts both in scientific and commercial fields with lower animals such as pigs and dogs. Adding to the scientific obstacles are the moral, ethical, and religious concerns that impede progress towards human cloning.

“It’s a very difficult argument to make for a lot of people, even those who are progressively minded. Issues like personality, memory, and even the soul are all obstacles that many people have difficulty overcoming and they are things that are going to take a lot of debate and philosophical study to overcome. One would wish the argument would be as simple as doing it for the chicks, but it seems unlikely most people will buy that argument,” continued Poe. “Cloning to bring back a lost pet or even a beloved family member is one thing but cloning to get laid, that’s something else entirely.”

Knightley, who has starred in such movies as ‘Love Actually’, ‘Atonement’, and the ‘Pirates of  the Caribbean’ trilogy, is widely considered to be one of the most beautiful women in the world.  It is not expected, despite her role in ‘Never let me go’, that she would allow herself to be cloned in real life to be used as a sexual plaything.

“Would you be having sex with Keira Knightley or some version of her? Would you know? Would the clone be property or an individual? Those are just some of the ethical questions facing cloning advocates and cloning protestors alike. Is a soul unique to a person or is it something that can be replicated. The same question needs to be asked of vaginas,” continued Poe. “It also brings up the question of slavery and sexual abuse which opens up a whole new avenue for discussion among ethicists, lawmakers, and theologists and one that won’t be easily solved. Regardless, we are a ways away from cloning a human and in the meantime my recommendation is learning to learning to play the guitar. Chicks dig the guitar.”

Mark Romanek will direct ‘Never let me go’ from a script by ‘Trainspotting’ scribe Alex Garland. Knightley meanwhile has 5 movies slated to shoot before being cloned, which perhaps will motivate her to assent to the procedure when it does become available.